The most popular question I receive is a reader wondering if they are straight, gay or bisexual. I can’t tell if I’m rambling too muc,h so I will end my question with this: Is there a real and actual feeling I’m fighting against? Am I gay? Or is my situation similar to King Pentheus, who was driven mad by Dionysus after wearing a woman’s dress?Īnswer: You are not rambling at all. Hopefully I’ve made my story fairly clear. But here’s the kicker: I have played with the vibrator out of drag and found it just as enjoyable.
And the thing that bothers me is that any homosexual fantasies I had happened when I was in drag. My sex life with my now-ex wasn’t all that bad. I’ve been flip-flopping terribly and it’s getting worse – I think, “I’m gay,” then “I’m not gay,” or even “I’m bisexual.” ” No, this is just brought on from my crossdressing fetish.” Back and forth, constantly. First just touching myself, then playing with vibrators, then getting off to videos and photos of men all of this was an extremely slow progression over a number of years.Įvery time I would perform one of the above actions, I would act like nothing happened afterward. I’ve… done certain things sexually to myself while in drag.
I’m a man and just got out of a relationship of 11 years with a woman (we have an 18-month-old child as well).įor 15 years, I have dressed in drag, though the only times I’ve been really out like that in public are two Halloweens – the rest was indoors. Your move: Try on a variety of labels, presentations, and pronouns until you find something that feels right.Question: I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible because I don’t want to ramble. Nor do you have to go all-out on high heels and lipstick to embrace a high-femme identity, if that doesn’t feel authentic. “You don’t have to commit to butchdom for your entire life or chop your hair off or use different pronouns,” they say. “What’s most important is that you’re expressing yourself, your gender, and your sexuality in the ways that make you feel affirmed,” Underwood says. Lesbian, after all, is an identity label regarding the people we love, date, or f*ck, not necessarily about gender presentation, Underwood says. You can, if you choose, identify simply as lesbian. However, you don’t need to identify as butch, femme, or by any other lesbian gender. And often, these terms come with a rich history. These terms are known as ‘lesbian genders’ and work to name a few gender expressions within lesbianism. If you’re on lesbian TikTok or have been reading up on lesbian history, you may have heard of lesbians identifying as butch, femme, or futch - or by terms that are exclusive to Black lesbians, like stud and stemme. “If you feel particularly caught off guard by your sex dream, it might function as fuel that encourages you to explore your sexuality in other ways,” she says.īut if the only reason you’re Googling “am i lesbian?” is because you had a sex dream… no, you’re not a lesbian. You fantasized about having lesbian sex (even if you don’t actually want to have lesbian sex IRL).You recently read about, spent time with, or thought about a non-man who you admire.You talked to your lesbian or queer BFF about a recent sexcapade recently.You watched “lesbian porn” at some point recently.